Defend Yourself

The other day, I took a brief self-defense class taught by my good friend, Jess. Within hours, my whole body ached from the effort of defending itself, but my mind was confident and ready to encounter any number of risks, obstacles, and dangers. Of course, the first rule of self-defense is to avoid those situations whenever possible.

Which is exactly what I did a few days later.

I sat on my couch in the early afternoon (okay, it's a love seat but it serves as the couch in my apartment) and read a book (Lindsey Stirling's charming memoirs). My feline roommate, Ghost, slept on my lap. It's not unusual for loud people to tromp past my front door, but when one man lingered loudly near the door that afternoon, my heart started to race. Ghost likewise was on high alert, rousing from his nap and watching the door with legs tensed for an escape. I was expecting to hear the man open the maintenance closet next door or at least knock on mine. I was not expecting to see my doorknob jiggle.

DEFEND ALL THE THINGS

Everything I've ever learned about self-defense rushed through my head as Ghost ducked and covered under the couch (so much for having a guard-kitty). Luckily, I had already been practicing self-defense: the door was deadbolted. No one was getting in.

The man quickly walked away, and I was left to wonder why he had tried to open my door. Was he looking for doors left unlocked? Did he forget where he was going? To be real, there aren't any other apartments situated like mine in this complex, so it was unlikely that he mistook my door for his own. I was almost a victim.

Now, I recognize that some dangers are impossible to avoid. Some situations are lose-lose situations. For everything else, we have the gift of fear. Gavin de Becker writes in his book, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence, that "you have the gift of a brilliant internal guardian that stands ready to warn you of hazards and guide you through risky situations." As someone who is anxious and afraid a lot, I know the value of fear (maybe too much [more on that later]). I know what it's like when my hair stands on end or when my stomach migrates to my throat. My fear protects me. I have been locking and deadbolting my door for years, hoping that it is enough to keep the dangers at bay. The other day, it was exactly enough.

And yet, I still take self-defense classes and create long, unique passwords and buy my purses based on their lack of stealability. Because not everyone stops at the doorknob.

And because I've watched too much Criminal Minds.

These ladies are the bomb diggity, though.